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[Mar. 22nd, 2004|02:48 pm] |
as today's events conspire i find it interesting what God will force one to think about. i question my own ability to be a Christian or at least a good one. it becomes increasingly harder to be "Christ-like" in a world that is slowly moving away from the Truth. i feel persecuted.
where is my answer... 2nd Cor. 12:10
but somehow that becomes harder to accept as the days go on and people find it necessary to tell me things that i do not want to know. i learned the other day about "Godly (or righteous) anger". (eph 4 25:27 mainly 26 where it says "in your anger do not sin" it doesn't say don't get angry) but at times i wonder what i should do with this anger there are many things that make me angry like georgia, e, AA, hypocrites, people who make generalizations against what i believe, people who like to discourage (which i guess i'm guilty of also)... but i have a hard time "turning the other cheek" as it where.
*sigh*
i never wonder if God is listening but i'm constantly paranoid that i'm not being receptive to what he has to say... and i find that people can't really tell you how to be "receptive". i just thank God that he's given me my calling. i've just got a feeling that my real battle will not start until i get to b'ham. all i can do is try my hardest to renew my mind and grapple blindly at my spirit that i cannot touch, see or hear...
i feel discouraged...
i feel beaten and weathered...
i feel that the Enemy knows who i am...
Jesus help me... |
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